Badlands (Spent Shells, #1) Read online

  “Your body is poisoned,” Jedediah often said after he finished raping me. “Those toxins are why you took so long to have Anika. They’re why you don’t bring more life into this world. They’re what killed your mother. The outside world stained your soul.”

  Every time he said those words, I suspected he believed being hurtful would help to cleanse me and create life. Instead, I just hoped I would never heal or have more children. Every period was a godsend. Anika took all my energy and love, and she always wanted more.

  As I doze in the hotel bed, I imagine making a child with Kai. I don’t know if that’s something he might want, and I’m not sure I’m capable of being a good mother. As much as I love Anika, I never did right by her. A part of me viewed her as a punishment, no different than submitting to the earth or enduring the rapes. What kind of a mother can feel that way?

  But Kai is wonderful, and he treats Anika so well. Could I be a better mother with his help? Would I feel less overwhelmed? Is there a future where I could create life without wanting to end mine?

  Caressing Anika’s soft, chubby cheek, I try to see myself the way she does. She trusts me. I own her heart. She doesn’t hate me even if I deserve to be hated. Was my mom perfect like I remember, or are my happy memories lies created by a child’s love?

  The questions in my head are too heavy after a long day. I glance once more at Kai sitting in the shadows and then at my sleeping daughter. Finally, I close my eyes and pray not to dream.

  ≫THREE SPENT SHELLS≪

  KAI

  An hour into our morning drive, just as the sun rises, I accept we’re being followed. Neri senses it too. Her lips make their telltale move of twisting as if preparing to kiss someone vile.

  In the backseat, Sunny dozes with Anika. Before we left the hotel, they shared a bagel at the breakfast buffet. I hadn’t noticed anyone watching us in the lobby or when we filled up our tank. But I sense eyes on us now.

  The safe house is still two hours away when I spot the black Tahoe. They’re a dime a dozen in the United States, but I know this one has followed us since we pulled onto the highway. I suspect a red F-150 is also tailing us. When one moves closer, the other vehicle falls behind. Then F-150 and Tahoe switch places to prevent us from noticing them.

  Unfortunately for the men behind us, my father raised us to be paranoid and notice everything.

  This is why I’m wary of contacting the safe house. How can we be certain the mercenaries there weren’t hired by the enemy currently following us?

  An hour later, Neri calls Papa, speaking quietly in Spanish to prevent upsetting Sunny. My love watches our every move, despite seeming half-asleep.

  “We don’t want to bring danger to the safe house,” Neri tells Papa.

  “Safe houses are designed for danger.”

  “True, but we worry the people there can’t be trusted.”

  Papa doesn’t hesitate before responding with, “Cobain knows if he sells out my children that I will not make his death quick.”

  Neri smiles at our father’s threat. “You’re so scary.”

  Papa sighs, pretending as if he hates when she coos at him. No one with any sense believes his act.

  “Contact Cobain to see if he’s prepared for your arrival,” Papa insists. “If you can’t make that call, you can’t do this job, and I will be forced to travel to get you.”

  “No, no, Papa,” Neri soothes. “We will call him and be home soon.”

  I hear him grumbling under his breath. Then Mama says something in the background that distracts him long enough for Neri to end the call.

  My sister dials the number we have for Cobain. He answers—sounding three sheets to the wind—and grunts when Neri explains how we’re being followed.

  “Can you follow a map?” he growls. “Do you know how to work with directions on your phone?”

  “No,” Neri replies because she is a temperamental princess accustomed to men behaving in her presence.

  Cobain doesn’t answer, likely sensing she’s toying with him. Perhaps, the mercenary is sober enough to realize the daughter of a retired hitman like Gator wouldn’t find his behavior intimidating.

  “I’ll send you the new address,” he finally says.

  “We’re an hour away from your safe house.”

  “Just go to the address.”

  Cobain hangs up on Neri, who flashes me a side-frown. I nod at her silent irritation. We aren’t dealing with a loving, cuddly kind of mercenary like Papa.

  Heading toward our new destination, Neri and I keep an eye on the vehicles still tag-teaming us. An hour passes and the already sparse traffic thins. Sunny and Anika wake fully and explore their new tablet.

  Neri hangs into the backseat to show them how to play the games she downloaded last night. Anika grips her duck and the ugly McDonald’s toy while giggling at the noises the games make. I steal quick glances at Sunny, enjoying the sight of her shy smiles.

  But as we near our destination, I fear what awaits us.

  “Don’t let them take us back!” Sunny cries after I explain how they should pack up the child’s toys and prepare for trouble.

  Unflappable, Neri shakes her head. “We would never. If we have to move quickly, though, it’ll be better for Anika’s toys to be in the bag. We don’t want to lose any.”

  The child doesn’t understand. She just smiles at Neri. Even when my sister slides the toys inside the backpack, Anika doesn’t worry.

  Sunny, though, stares at me in a panic. “It’d be better for you to kill us than to leave us behind.”

  Neri pats Sunny’s hand. “Don’t fear. Only stay calm and listen to our instructions. Protect your child. We are meeting friends.”

  My sister’s lying, of course, but Sunny regains control of her terror for now.

  Behind us, the drivers of the Tahoe and F-150 no longer make any effort to hide their intentions. The men might sense we know they’re tailing us, or the highway is simply too empty to continue their charade.

  I create a little distance between our vehicle and theirs after we leave the highway, but they remain on the hunt. I suspect they hope to attack somewhere more private.

  Like the deserted location that Cobain sends us to.

  “This feels wrong,” Neri whispers in Spanish.

  We slowly approach an old farm fence circling what looks like a long-abandoned house with a rusted, tireless truck resting in the dirt lawn. The barren location offers little cover or escape.

  “Sunny,” I say in my calmest voice, “get on the floor with Anika and cover yourself with the blankets and pillows.”

  I expect her to panic but find instead cold acceptance on her lovely face. As Sunny obeys, the Tahoe and F-150 reappear in my rearview. Their drivers notice we’ve slowed ahead of them, so they reduce their speed too. Are they wary of this location, or do they know we’ve driven into an ambush?

  Neri checks her pistol, and I give her the same look we’ve shared before each violent encounter. If this is the end, it was a great ride. My sister smiles as I press on the gas and push through the old metal fencing.

  Even if this is an ambush, we still have options. The flat land will allow me to circle the Land Rover around the back of the house. If necessary, we’ll slam through the enemies’ vehicles and return to the road.

  As I pull the Land Rover through the dusty yard, I notice the F-150’s passenger aiming a rifle from his window. Our SUV lurches forward, past the dilapidated truck in the front yard.

  As I finish circling the house, a large figure appears from behind the long-forgotten vehicle. Formerly hidden under a tarp, he opens fire on the F-150 with a fully automatic rifle.

  “Hold on,” I warn Neri, who grips the SUV’s grab handle while I speed past the man, through another section of railing, and toward the Tahoe where the passengers attempt to hide from the gunfire.

  Shooting from my window, I maneuver the Land Rover behind the men struggling to find cover. I kill one while the other flees straight towa
rd the man with the big gun. Once the day falls silent, I hit the brakes and warn Sunny to remain hidden.

  Neri and I leave the Land Rover, moving in sync with our guns pointed at the destroyed vehicles and shredded men. Neri must spot an enemy moving because she fires once in his head before moving with me again. We pause, finding cover behind the Tahoe while waiting for a signal from our ally.

  A deep voice bellows in English, “Call sign, Chupacabra!”

  “I want a call sign,” Neri whispers in Spanish.

  Smirking at my sister, I yell, “Call sign, Hatchling One!”

  “No,” Neri grumbles, unhappy with my moniker since she’ll clearly be “number two.”

  The massive man storms out from behind the rusted truck and marches toward us with his impressive gun. Neri trains her pistol on him while I emerge from our buffer.

  “Get in your car and go to the safe house,” the man growls and kicks one of the dead men.

  Still pointing her weapon at him, Neri stands up straight and frowns. “We already checked if they were dead.”

  The man—with his thick, black hair tied in a ponytail, full beard barely hiding his grim frown, and olive skin bright with sweat—frowns at my sister and then down at the man at his feet. “You did a poor job then,” he says, destroying the corpse’s head with a single shot.

  While Neri grunts her disapproval, I ask, “Are you Cobain?”

  Dark eyes flashing with rage, he snarls, “Who the fuck else would I be?”

  “You don’t fit our father’s description,” I lie and walk to the Land Rover, where I open the back door and check on my girls. “Stay down until we’re on the road,” I instruct once Sunny peeks out from under the blanket.

  Anika’s little face appears next to her mother’s. Her big brown eyes find me, and she smiles.

  “Hide just a little longer,” I whisper and close the door slowly to avoid startling them.

  Joining me, Neri asks, “What about the bodies and cars?”

  “Leave them to Chupacabra.”

  My sister takes the wheel of the Land Rover as we return to the main highway and toward the safe house’s address.

  Once we’re five miles out from the kill scene, I reach over the seat and pull back the plush blanket from Sunny and Anika.

  “Woods,” the girl says.

  Sunny suddenly looks nervous. “She needs to relieve herself.”

  “Just a little longer, I promise. Can you hold it?”

  Nodding, Anika hugs her backpack. The child relaxes against her mother and admires her tablet. Seeking reassurance, Sunny watches me. I reach back and caress her lips like I did last night. When I catch Anika watching, I gently tap her nose. She smiles, and Sunny forces a little grin too.

  Neither seems to notice a motorcycle racing past us awhile later. Even hidden under his heavy green raincoat, there’s no doubt the driver is Cobain.

  Based on Neri’s twisted lips, she isn’t a fan of the man charged with helping us escape this dangerous land.

  SUNNY

  On my first night of freedom, I dream that Kenneth killed Anika back at the vegetable stall, and Kai is a lie I’ve created to deal with my grief. Before I wake, I’m forced to leave behind my baby’s lifeless body as the shepherds drag me to the homestead for my final judgment.

  When I open my eyes, I find myself still in the hotel room. I smell the faint aroma of last night’s soup. Pressed against me, Anika snoozes with her lower lip out in a pout. My daughter loves to sleep. She will lounge in our bunk all Sunday if allowed.

  Kai is no lie. His strong hand on my shoulder feels very real as he wakes us for breakfast. With the sun not up yet, we eat quickly in the hotel lobby before hurrying to the SUV.

  Someone must have cleaned the vomit yesterday. Today, the SUV smells of lemons. As soon as we climb in the backseat, Anika dives for the new blankets and pillows. She doesn’t even mind the seatbelt once she realizes she can cuddle with the bedding.

  By the time the sun is up, and we’ve been driving for a while, I sense something worrying Kai and Neri. I notice how he frowns at the rearview. When I look back, I don’t notice anything besides a few cars. Would the men from the homestead really follow us after all this time? We drove for what felt like forever yesterday. They must be a million miles away.

  Then Kai warns us to get down, and I notice Neri’s weapon.

  Powerless as usual, I hide under the blankets with Anika. She grips her backpack and hides her face against my chest. The melodic sound of gunfire should frighten me, but I’m numb from the fear.

  Then the SUV stops, engine still running, and I sense Kai and Neri are outside in the madness.

  Rather than wallowing in panic, I focus on Anika in my arms and the backpack in hers. She was so happy playing games earlier. Every time the candy made a crunching sound, she would imitate it. Silence is punishment, and she wants to talk freely. Today, she tested out more words and sounds. When no one hushed her, Anika’s confidence grew.

  Her stomach also handled the soup last night and the bagel this morning.

  My daughter has experienced more joy in the last twenty-four hours than in her entire life.

  If she dies today, she’ll die freer than she’s ever been. And if she dies, I’ll end myself quickly after, but I’ll do so while knowing my baby wore a smile on her last day.

  I’ll also leave this world having kissed a beautiful man just once. I felt his arms around me and believed he wouldn’t hurt me. In his eyes, I saw a woman I wanted to be. Having tasted freedom, I can’t return to the hell of the homestead.

  Then I hear the passenger door open, and the blanket lifts to reveal Kai’s gorgeous face. The anger in his eyes inspires my heart to beat faster. I’ve seen what his rage can accomplish, and I’m excited to have such power between the Children of the Black Sun and us.

  ≫FOUR SPENT SHELLS≪

  KAI

  The safe house is located on another stretch of remote land off the highway. Unlike the ambush spot, this location’s gate is monitored. Cobain enters the code and leads us down a dirt road to a wide, one-story house surrounded by red, ugly bushes.

  Neri pulls the Land Rover inside a large metal garage and parks behind Cobain’s motorcycle. Before we exit, I turn to Sunny and Anika. The little girl whispers into her bag, and I assume she’s talking to her toys. Sunny’s hand rests on her daughter’s leg, but her gaze is locked on me.

  When I smile, she does too. Just like last night, she mimics me. That’s why, when Cobain bangs on the hood, and I frown, Sunny loses her smile and scowls at the large man. He disappears through a side door.

  “Who’d have thought a mercenary would be so unlikeable?” Neri mutters and straps a few weapons to her body.

  Smiling at my sister’s irritation, I whisper, “Don’t let him charm you.”

  Unamused by my comment, Neri climbs out of the SUV and opens the back door. “These people aren’t our enemies,” she tells Sunny. “But they aren’t our friends either. Understand?”

  I suspect Sunny doesn’t even trust Neri and me yet. Suspicion isn’t a bad fallback stance to have.

  My sister takes the lead. Sunny follows while holding Anika. I guard the rear.

  Outside the garage is a small gravel walkway that curves to the corner of the metal siding house. Cobain is no longer outside, and Neri enters the building through a screen door.

  A grizzled black shepherd growls at my sister from its spot near a fireplace. Neri doesn’t acknowledge the animal. She scans the large family room before moving again.

  Suddenly, Cobain appears at an inside doorway and glares at us with his nearly black eyes.

  “That thing is potty trained, yes?” he asks in an accent I can’t place. “Don’t let it piss on my floors.”

  “That is a child, you imbecile,” Neri barks at the professional killer.

  Growing up with a man like our father wrapped around her finger, my sister refuses to bow to men. She flirts easily with them back on the beach or in
the local bars. Once they make a move, she shuts down her friendly nature and unleashes her claws.

  Easily six-and-a-half feet, Cobain looms over my sister, glaring at her. “You look nothing like Gator. So, what man’s spunk created you?”

  Neri lunges for Cobain. Though he dodges her punch, her knee makes solid contact with his groin. I remove my sister from him before he decides to hit back or the growling dog attacks.

  “Don’t let the stupid man steal your focus,” I warn Neri in Spanish.

  Cobain leans against the wall and chuckles as he enjoys the aftereffects of her strike to this crotch. Speaking in Spanish, he mutters, “Better listen to your brother, child. This isn’t high school. People here play for keeps.”

  “Eat a bag of dicks,” Neri sneers.

  Stepping between the two, I remain focused. “We need papers for the woman and child. Who here can get them for us?”

  Cobain glances at Sunny, who wears a lifeless expression. Anika’s eyes, though, are as wide as the fullest moon. She’s very curious about the situation. Even finding the child amusing, I do not approve of Cobain’s gaze on either of them. I also need to find a bathroom for Anika.

  “Well?” I ask when he just scowls.

  “I can make what you need.”

  “Is there no one else here we can speak with?” Neri asks, joining Sunny and Anika.

  “I’m it, Number Two,” Cobain mocks.

  “What kind of safe house has only one person?” I ask, distinctly remembering my father referring to multiple people living here. “Where is Nilsson?”

  Cobain’s scowl falters, and he looks startled to hear the name. He finally shrugs. “He’s been on a mission for a while. DeMarco too. Until they return, I’m it.”

  When he stares at me, I sense he would prefer I didn’t ask questions regarding the missing residents of this safe house.